i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
