So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
