Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
