I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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