I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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