Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
