So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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