Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
