why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
