That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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