I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
whose ass print is on the piano?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
