I accidentally had phone sex last night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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