I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
