Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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