His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
