i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
