So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
