I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
