Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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