Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
