Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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