Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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