As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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