I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
