DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
kristin has been a bad kristin
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
