she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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