I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
