I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
