she looked like the before picture.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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