I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
