My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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