You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
