maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
