dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
