Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
