dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
