So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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