you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
