he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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