I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
