hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
