and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
