so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
