I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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