ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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