It was confusing and full of hummus
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I want is dick and wine.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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