Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
