It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
