I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
