enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
